Wednesday, 18 October 2017

My Top 90 Mid-Life Crisis Songs #6: Remember when 37 was middle-aged?

At the age of 37
She realised she'd never ride
Through Paris in a sports car
With the warm wind in her hair
The chorus of Dr. Hook's The Ballad of Lucy Jordon (sic) is surely one of the saddest collection of words ever set to music. The song was written by poet and country songwriter Shel Silverstein, telling of a tired and jaded housewife who puts her husband and kids ahead of her own freedom and happiness... to the point that she's either driven insane... or to suicide, depending on your reading of the song's final lines.

One person who thought Lucy ended up in the loony bin was Marianne Faithful, who covered the song in the late 70s. You may prefer her version, but for me it's too much a product of its time and the tinny synths spoil Faithful's otherwise powerful vocal performance. (That said, I prefer the heartbreak in Dennis Locorriere's own vocal... that guy always sounded like he was on the verge of a breakdown, even when he was trying to get Sylvia's mother to persuade her daughter to take his call.)

6. Dr. Hook - The Ballad of Lucy Jordon

This is a song about realising that your best years are behind you, and in the 70s, that came at age 37, apparently.

What's the new 37 then...?

Tuesday, 17 October 2017

The Top Ten Songs I Hated When I Was A Kid #6: My Name Is Not Roland

Since Martin brought this one up in the comments a couple of days back, it seemed a good enough excuse to bring back this particular series which I've let slide a bit in recent months.

6. Roland Rat - Rat Rapping

I had no problem with Roland Rat. I was 11 when he made his TV debut and although I didn't really have time for Breakfast Television (still a relatively new innovation in those days), I found myself drawn to his humorous shtick, laughing along with Kevin the Gerbil, Errol the Hamster and Glenis the Guinea Pig. I was just the right age. So when Roland released his first single, I was up for singing along...



My name is Rol. In case you think that's a pseudonym I adopt for this blog, it's not. Although it's my middle name, Rol is the name I've always been called... by family, friends and even teachers. Except when I went up to High School and one particular teacher took umbrage at me telling her my name was Rol, saying she wouldn't be addressing students by their nicknames, and insisting I use the longer version.

The longer version being...

Well, it's not Roland.

However, as Roland Rat made his way into the pop charts with his familiar Fonzie-like cry of "Eyyyyyy", I soon found myself the butt of lots of rat jokes at school. My first year at high school, and suddenly I was "Roland - like the Rat: Eyyyyyyyy!"

But worse was yet to come: much, much worse, as the number one TV show for our genration, Grange Hill followed soon after by introducing its very own Roland... or should that be Ro-Land... in the shape of tubby miseryguts Ro-Land Browning.

What a gift to the playground wits... and what a dilemma! What would they shout as I walked by now? They were torn between a cheeky "Eyyyyyy!" and the far more unpleasant, "I only want to help you, Ro-Land" (the catchphrase of Roland's only real friend on the show, the wimpy and annoying Janet St. Clair). Ultimately, Roland Browning won out, and the cuter, cooler Roland Rat impersonations were dropped in favour of the much more cutting Roland Browning jibes. Things got so bad for the fictional Roland Browning that he chucked himself under a car. I missed that episode because I had a piano exam. This was in the days before even video recorders. How did we live!?! I had to tune in the following week and work out what had happened while Roland lay recovering in hospital, wimpy Janet at his side.

1983 was not a good time to be called Rol.

Even if Rol isn't even short for Roland...

(It's short for Rolston, but that really isn't important to this story.)

Monday, 16 October 2017

My Top Ten Ingrid Bergman Songs

Yes, it's the series nobody really likes, but I do it anyway. Indulge me!

Having done Bogie, it seems only fair I give some thought to his Casablanca co-star. Was that cannon fire, or is it my heart pounding?

10. Duran Duran - Notorious

When I started in radio, this record had been out a couple of years and so the jocks (who still had free choice back then... for a short time) would dig it out and give it a spin quite often. Mostly so they could make the same gag: Mo-mo-monotonous...

Still, good memories.

Notorious is a great Hitchcock film, with Ingrid and Cary Grant.

9. Serge Lama & Carla Bruni - Casablanca

Most of it's in French, so I don't understand a word of it... except when they sing about Bogart et Ingrid Bergman...

8. Bee Gees - For Whom The Bell Tolls

Hard to imagine that Robin, Maurice and Barry were big Hemingway fans, but they did steal the title of one of his most famous novels... made into a 1943 movie starring Ingrid & Gary Cooper.

7. The Alan Parsons Project - Call Up

If Alan had a time machine, he'd use it to rescue a bunch of dead stars. Ingrid would be among them, in excellent company.

6. Siouxsie & The Banshees - Spellbound

More Hitchcock, this time with Gregory Peck. Siouxsie is a huge Hitchcock fan.

5. Sleeper - Lie Detector
She's a movie star arrangement
Got a touch of Bergman to her face
She wears suits and buys him flowers
Smokes his cigarettes and bakes him cakes
He says uh oh I love you
But I'm not sure I trust you
Weird thing is, I reckon Louise Wener had a touch of Bergman to her face too. 

4. Richard Thompson - Jerusalem On The Jukebox
In the bathroom mirror they try that Joan of Arc look again
Two parts Ingrid Bergman to one part Shirley MacLaine...
3. The Beautiful South - Good As Gold (Stupid As Mud)
I want my sun-drenched, windswept Ingrid Bergman kiss...
Don't we all?

2. Pulp - The Day After The Revolution

The closing track on the greatest album of the 90s, and the one that killed Britpop. I loved Britpop, but it needed killing.

Fair enough, the Bergman that Jarvis claims is over may well be Ingmar (no relation to Ingrid), but it's my blog and so I'll pretend he was singing about Ingrid just so I get to play this amazing track.

1. Billy Bragg - Ingrid Bergman

I know I featured this a few weeks back in My Top Ten Innuendo Songs, but it's worth giving it another spin without the phnarrs... because it's beautiful. Woody Guthrie lives, through the Bard of Barking.

Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake.

Sunday, 15 October 2017

The Neverending Top Ten #5: Ratrap (sic)

Sam has taken to writing words on the bathroom wall with his stick-on road bath toys. It started with his own name, then worked through the names of his friends at nursery, then on to the names of his favourite characters from Disney's Cars, Paw Patrol and Transformers: Rescue Bots. This has been going on for a while now and while we do have to help him with the spelling, it's still pretty impressive for a 3/4 year old.

Imagine my joy when one night I came home from working late to find he'd chosen to write a song title on the bathroom wall, one of the ones we'd been listening to in the car earlier that weekend...

(Yes, fellow pedants, I know there's a 't' missing, but I blame his mother for that.)

5. The Boomtown Rats - Rat Trap

Many people will tell you that this is Bob Geldof's finest moment, and they'd probably be right. Many of those same people might even tell you that they're not Bruce Springsteen fans... which is ironic, since Rat Trap is possibly the greatest Springsteen tribute song ever written. I mean, come on: this is Born To Run, the Dublin version. Right down to the sax intro that wants to be Clarence so very, very badly. Watch the video though and tell me if, for even one second, you really believe Bob Geldof knows how to play the saxophone...
Billy don't like it living here in this town
He says: traps have been sprung long before he was born
He says: hope bites the dust behind all the closed doors
And pus and grime ooze from its scab-crusted sores

Saturday, 14 October 2017

Well, that didn't take you long, did it? Well done to all who took part - a true group effort this week. Although poor old Brian didn't even get a look in. Maybe I'll start later in the day next Saturday. I like to think I'll make it harder next week, but every time I think that you all raise your games anyway.

Here's the answers, and a brief explanation of the answers... plus ten top tunes. Check them out if you're not already familiar with them. Guaranteed: no lemons.

10. This Russian waterway gets metafictional.

I didn't actually know that the Okkervil River is in St. Petersburg until I researched this. Apparently the band take their name from a short story by Russian author Tatyana Tolstaya set on that particular waterway. Lynchie's suggestion of The Okkervil River Song was pretty metafictional, but Charity Chic named the actual tune...

Okkervil River - Our Life Is Not A Movie Or Maybe

Love that song.

9. Trump's toothpaste visits a flying citadel.

CC got this one, and didn't even know the song. Here you go, CC: hope you like it as much as I do...

Don McLean - Castles In The Air

8. An American Oasis song inspires the hangman.

Martin recognised Liam Lynch, but couldn't work out the song. Like Liam Lynch had any other hits? To be fair, Liam did have some other pretty good songs. And it's not as though I'm sticking only to chart hits on this quiz. But still... d'oh, indeed, Martin. Glad the penny finally dropped.

Liam Lynch - The United States of Whatever

Still makes me laugh, even after all this time.

7. Brian Jardine, backwards on the beach: what a charmer! 

Well done to Lynchie for puzzling this one out.

The Beach Boys backwards... Brian (Wilson) and (Al) Jardine. Charming snakes...

Al Wilson - The Snake

6. An Eagle and some sexy Stewarts. Please yourself!

Top work from Alyson.

Eddie The Eagle + (Hot) Sexy (Rod) Stewarts. Please yourself?

Eddie & The Hot Rods - Do Anything You Wanna Do

5. Are these guys getting spiritual... or are they just full of hot air? God above knows.

The 5th Dimension is the spiritual one, apparently. Hot air balloon, obviously. Written by Jimmy Webb, who the Boo Radleys and I both agree is God. Above? Up...

The 5th Dimension - Up, Up & Away

Another winner for Alyson.

4. Keeping you warm by the bay, with a nice drink and a message of self-improvement.

Finding a picture of Nina Persson with dark hair was essential here.

Cardigans keep you warm, especially at Cardigan Bay.

Well done to Chris for seeing through my ruse.

The Cardigans - I Need Some Fine Wine And You, You Need To Be Nicer

One of the best song titles ever written.

3. Never play cards with Charles Dickens in an outdoor swimming pool.

Boz was an early pseudonym of Dickens.

The rest is pretty straightforward.

Well done, C.

Boz Scaggs - Lido Shuffle

2. It was North vs. South when these two fell into a depression over Special Dick.

(The international version of that clue may be harder: substitute Hawkeye for Special Dick.) 

NvS = The Civil War. A depression in the earth is a hollow. Dick Barton was a Special Agent. Hawkeye in the Avengers (not M*A*S*H*) is Clint Barton.

I should have known Charity Chic would get this one straight away...

The Civil Wars - Barton Hollow

1. She's like a wonder of time, poised on the cusp of Just Janis.

Stevie... like a Wonder? In the Nicks of time? On the cusp = edge of Just Seventeen (teen girl's pop mag from back in the day). Janis... not Joplin, but Ian, who sang At Seventeen.

Well done, C.

By the way, the video for this is even madder than Stevie Nicks herself...

Right, enough of the quizzes. Maybe tomorrow I'll write an actual post...

(Don't worry, the snapshots will be back next Saturday.)

Saturday Snapshots #4

It's back to back quizzes round here at the moment, sorry for that. Or perhaps you prefer it. Hellabusy at work at the moment, too exhausted when I get home to thread complete sentences together. Apologies also if I've not called round your place as frequently as usual. Worst time of year for having no time at all.

Here's another ten band photos and cryptic clues... can you name artist and song title?

10. This Russian waterway gets metafictional.

9. Trump's toothpaste visits a flying citadel.

8. An American Oasis song inspires the hangman.

7. Brian Jardine, backwards on the beach: what a charmer! 

6. An Eagle and some sexy Stewarts. Please yourself!

5. Are these guys getting spiritual... or are they just full of hot air? God above knows.

4. Keeping you warm by the bay, with a nice drink and a message of self-improvement.

3. Never play cards with Charles Dickens in an outdoor swimming pool.

2. It was North vs. South when these two fell into a depression over Special Dick.

(The international version of that clue may be harder: substitute Hawkeye for Special Dick.) 

1. She's like a wonder of time, poised on the cusp of Just Janis.

Let's see if anyone can beat Brian's missus to the answers this week...

Tuesday, 10 October 2017

The Glorious 10th: Gimme...

This month's Glorious 10th challenge is to find ten songs which begin with the word 'Gimme'. Some of them will be obvious. Some of them will be obscure. Some of the really obvious ones won't make the ten at all.

First rule: the titles must begin with the word 'Gimme', NOT 'Give me'. So I'm really sorry, but you can't have this

Points will be allocated thus...

  • 1 point for every song in my Top Ten you correctly guess.
  • 2 points for being the first person to guess that song.
  • 3 points for guessing the song's position in my Top Ten.
  • 5 points for guessing my Number One song and correctly identify it as such.
  • 1 bonus point for any song I have in my collection which I couldn't squeeze into the Top Ten (the 'long list').
  • 1 bonus point for any new songs you suggest which I like.
  • Points will be deducted for really bad suggestions... and there are a couple of really bad ones I'm waiting to blow my klaxon at this month.

  • Final rule: you're only allowed TEN guesses each. (Otherwise, Martin just lists his entire record collection.)
Choose wisely then, because there were lots I had to miss out. And give each of your guesses a number, then you might score big points. 

Oh - and I'm sorry, but you can't have anything by these guys...

Off you go. I'll see you back here in a month.

The Glorious 10th - Welcome To...

The original album cover.

The one they replaced it with when Woolworths refused to stock the album 
because people were blowing their brains out all over the Pick 'n' Mix.

Welcome to the Glorious 10th. Thank you for playing along. I think you got almost all of them this month, although I'm sure you'll be surprised by some of the omissions.

Let's start with the ones that are in my record collection but didn't make the 10. The first person to name each of these gets a bonus point. Let's start with the one everyone thought would be there...

Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Welcome To The Pleasuredome

I need to bring back my old series The Top Ten Songs I Hated When I Was A Kid to properly discuss FGTH, although this wouldn't be the song I featured. I've had a curious relationship with this band, largely down to the fact that even as a teenager I felt I could see through the Paul Morley hype machine. I actually preferred Holly Johnson's solo work... though I did grow to give Frankie their due eventually. Not enough to squeeze them into this Top Ten though, sorry.

Steve can have 1 point for that though. And also for suggesting Welcome To The Terrordome... though I was always more of a Run DMC man than Public Enemy.

The Swede then gets a point for Jim Reeves - Welcome To My World, recalling my hospital radio days. Although obviously I prefer the Elvis version.

Lynchie (I'm sorry, Lynchie, I feel like I should be linking to you... is that possible?) gets a point for Manic Street Preachers - Welcome To The Dead Zone, which was a serious contender for a while. He also gets a point for another very close call, Alice Cooper - Welcome To My Nightmare. He doesn't get any points for Pink Floyd though. And neither does anyone else. However, he can have an extra point for saying that Bon Jovi - Welcome To Wherever You Are wouldn't be in my Top Ten. It is in my record collection though. (Which probably doesn't surprise any of you.) So is this, which nobody mentioned, but it's much better than Jon By-Jovi...

Oh, and before I go any further, I can honestly say that I had never heard Mr. Mister - Welcome To The Real World until you lot started banging on about it. And I don't want to ever hear it again, thanks.

Meanwhile, Charity Chic gets a bonus point for Welcome To Paradise by Green Day, from the excellent album Dookie. Another contender for the prized #11 slot.

Martin arrived then, desperate to reclaim his crown after last month's poor showing, swooping up bonus points for... Fleetwood Mac - Welcome to the room, Sara, The Kinks - Welcome To Sleazy Town, and Prince - Welcome 2 The Dawn. I know, I know, last month I said Prince was a shoe-in for the Top Ten, but I forgot this because of his annoying habit of using text speak in his songs. One extra bonus point to Martin for remembering it despite that.

And I'm going to stop Martin there, because I'm sure I had a rule somewhere about limiting your guesses to ten. Well, if I didn't, I do now. Some of Martin's "bubbling under" suggestions might have nabbed him points... one of them would have scored big if he'd chosen to take it off the boil and cook it properly. Oh, and I did promise him this: he loses a point for Oxide & Neutrino. I mean, really.

Last month's winner C arrived then and stole a bonus point from Martin for putting Welcome to the Real World by ABC in her Top 10. She also nabbed a point for Ryan Adams - Welcome To New York, though she'd have doubled that up if she'd mentioned the Taylor Swift original

Alyson gets a point for Brad Paisley - Welcome To The Future, which really did come close to making the ten. Good guess, Alyson. Hope you're fully recovered now. And you can have a point for The Music - Welcome To The North as well.

Finally, Jez rolled along with Hot Club De Paris - Hello, I Wrote A Song For You Called ‘Welcome To The Jungle’, which I'd forgotten all about, but it's pretty cool.

Surprised nobody suggested the title track from this. 
Although it is only a minute long.

What about points for good songs that aren't in my record collection?

Brian can have a point for Welcome To My Revolution by Utopia. Love Todd Rundgren. Must check out some more Utopia.

C gets 1 point for Welcome To The Jungle (Jim) by They Might Be Giants. I love TMBG too but I'd never heard this one before. It's great. And a point for Welcome To My World by Depeche Mode, because the lyrics made me smile.

The Swede gets a point for Welcome To Feeling by Sam Beam & Jesca Hoop, another one from my infinite Wants List. And that's even shorter than the Dandy Warhols track above!

Martin can have a point for Tori Amos - Welcome To England, which isn't as annoying as I worried it might be. Although the video is pretty much Wicker Man meets The Omen.

Rigid Digit also steals "that's pretty cool" points for Stiff Little Fingers - Welcome To The Whole Week and Welcome to the World of Plastic Beach by Gorillaz, mainly because it features more Snoop than Damon. 

Then Jez rolled up again with Summer Camp – Welcome to Condale, which I liked, and something from the Frank Sidebottom movie soundtrack which I couldn't find online, but as I never really saw the point of Frank Sidebottom, no points there.

Finally George crawled out of bed a few days after everyone else and with his usual style and aplomb went for the booby prize by suggesting Welcome To The Show by Barclay James Harvest. And because it really is as bad as George said, I'm going to give him 3 points for that.

Another pretty good Welcome To... album without a title track.

OK, enough of the runners up. Let's get to the big ten! What beat Frankie?

These guys...

10. Rufus Wainwright - Welcome To The Ball.

Rigid Digit  gets two points for being the only person to guess this. Camp as a row of glamping tents.

9. Plan B - Welcome To Hell

I figured Charity Chic might steal the points for this one since it was one of his famous bargain buys, and sure enough he not only guessed it, but also - incredibly - predicted its Number 9 placing. Which gets him 5 points!

8. R.E.M - Welcome to the Occupation

An obvious inclusion, which I was sure Steve would get the points for... but didn't. Lynchie gets 2 for being first to suggest it. Jez, Martin & CC also get 1 for knowing it would be in my 10.

7. Ballboy - Welcome To Växjö

CC got a point for being the first to suggest Ballboy, although he went for the song Welcome To The New Year instead of this. It was down to George to steal the 2 point glory by remembering this lesser known track intead.

6. Brandon Flowers - Welcome To Fabulous Las Vegas

I would argue that Brandon Flowers now makes more interesting records as a solo artist than in his day job with The Killers. I don't know if Rigid Digit agrees with me, but he gets another 2 points for being the only one to mention this anyway.

What: no Son of Dork fans out there? Shame on you!

All of which brings us to The Top Five, and a pretty amazing Top Five it is, I'm sure you'll agree (though you may well disagree about the order).

5. The Wonder Stuff - Welcome To The Cheap Seats

Charity Chic gets 2 points here, though sadly his prediction of it being my #2 song fell a bit short. It could well have been: it is a classic.

In another world, Martin and Rigid Digit could wear a dress. They get a point for knowing it would be in my Top Ten, as does Alyson... though I suppose she already wears one.

4. Steely Dan - Any World (I'm Welcome To)

Here's the one nobody got: and right now, a dozen Steely Dan fans are kicking themselves. I can understand why you missed it, but remember (brackets are allowed) the challenge was "to find ten songs with the words 'Welcome to...' in the title". I never said they had to be at the beginning.

Another album-title-only contender.

3. Guns N' Roses - Welcome to the Jungle

Of course, this had to be in there. It could have even been #2, but when I listened to the runner-up contenders back-to-back, my actual #2 just edged it for me. Still an amazing song, whatever your thoughts on Axl Rose.

The Swede got this first - 2 points for that. Rigid Digit gets 1 too. Alyson misses out under the Martin Rule, because she made the mistake of saying it would be on my long list rather than in the Top Ten. Shame.

2. My Chemical Romance - Welcome to the Black Parade

I was surprised how few of you suggested this. Either you all think my record collection largely stopped in the 20th Century, or yours does. This is probably Gerard Way's finest hour, a glorious slab of emo-pomp: Queen meets Radiohead meets David Lynch. And the video has everything a great pop song needs: comas, nurses, skeleton costumes, zombies, post apocaltyptic ruins, exploding televisions and overdone allegory. Eat that, Paul Morley!

Anyway, the only person I can legitimately award points to for this is Jez. Martin misses out for over-guessing and suggesting this would be "bubbling under". No way, this is boiling over!

1. Elvis Costello - Welcome to the Working Week

Well, there could only be one winner, and if Elvis had a song on his first few albums that fit the bill, chances are it would be him. One minute 24 seconds of sheer audio bliss: now that's how to write a pop song!
Now that your picture's in the paper being rhythmically admired
And you can have anyone that you have ever desired
All you gotta tell me now is why, why, why, why?
Indeed. The Swede gets 2 default points for being the first to mention it, but everyone who thought it would / should be Number One gets 5 points. So that's 5 points for Charity Chic, Martin, C, Alyson and Brian. Rigid can have a point too, though he didn't number his predictions.

Points, then. And what do points make? Well, in this game they make points. (The usual apologies if I've added them up wrong.)

Steve - 2 points (play properly next time)

Lynchie, Jez & George - 5 points

Brian - 6 points

The Swede - 7 points

Alyson - 8 points

C & Rigid Digit - 9 points

Martin - 11 points

But this month's undisputed champion, with a peerless 15 points is...

Charity Chic.

Well done, Stevie.

Thank you all for playing. Next month's challenge will be along any second.

Monday, 9 October 2017

My Top ∞ Radio Songs #20: The Water In Majorca Does Not Taste Quite Like It Oughta

Mrs. Kaye was my first teacher at primary school. A grand old dame of a character even then, she was exceedingly posh and far too talented to be teaching 5 year olds. She should have been the next Maggie Smith or Judie Dench: we were more than lucky to have her.

Even though I only stayed in her class for a couple of years, Mrs. Kaye played a big part in my early school days, not least because she WROTE and directed our annual school plays... and encouraged me into a starring role from early on. She cast me as Willy Wonka in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, then Huckleberry Finn in Tom Sawyer... then finally Mr. Beever in The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe (yes, thank you, Leslie Nielsen). Not sure what quite happened with that last one. Perhaps my thesping skills were failing me as I grew older.

I've mentioned before how my schooldays were troubled times, but most of that trouble came in high school. My memories of junior school are largely glorious (although I know time has airbrushed some of the less pleasant ones away) and when I left at age 11, I said a tearful farewell to some of the best teachers I'd ever encounter. Mr. Ravenhill. Miss Howard. Miss Fielding / Mrs. Nutall. And Mrs. Kaye. (The less said about Mrs. Tebb the better, other than: she had it in for me.) And I didn't see any of them ever again...

...apart from Mrs. Kaye.

At 17, almost a year into the radio job, as it became apparent I sounded a bit TOO Yorkshire to be let on air as anything but a backroom boy, my mum somehow got in touch with Mrs. Kaye (who had since retired from school teaching) and discovered that she was now offering elocution lessons. For a few weeks then, besides hospital radio and my Saturday job, I took myself off to Mrs. Kaye's house to learn how to speak proper. I have few memories of those sessions beyond trying to read Keats's Ode To Autumn while softening my vowel sounds. And while Mrs. Kaye was never going to turn me into Lawrence Olivier, something of those lessons has stayed with me to this day. I can switch between the broad Yorkshire of my dad, and a softer, posher Yorkshire that has served me well in all manner of situations. I'll never lose the accent completely, but I can turn it down when it serves me well. Thanks, Mrs. Kaye.

20. Don Williams - Listen To The Radio

Another great artist we lost very recently, whom I've not had chance to say proper farewell to, was Don Williams. This is one of of my favourites from Don, and it fits this post pretty well, I reckon...
I try to find a way to explain to you
What's on my mind
And not sound so plain to you
But you'll realize if you'll close your eyes
The feelings my words can't show.
They're playing on the radio.

Sunday, 8 October 2017

Saturday Snapshots #3 - The Answers

Let there be answers!
(I'm not going to ask you for the artist & song of the photo above. You'll all obviously have that one in your collections.)

Congrats to everyone who took part and identified a correct tune. I think we can all agree that this week's winners are Brian and his better half.

10. A Munster, wearing a white hat, on the canal...

Eddie Munster.

The canal / white hat = Panama.

Well done, Brian.

Van Halen - Panama

9. There's no doubt husband #7 left Steve a $6 million answerphone message.

A tough one, but it's all there in the clues.

No Doubt = Gwen Stefani.

Her husband (at the moment) is Blake Shelton. (Blake's 7?)

$6 million dollar Steve? Austin. The Bionic Man, of course.

The answerphone message? Listen to the damn song! It's a real tearjerker...

Blake Shelton - Austin

Score #1 for Mrs. Brian.

8. The queen gives a haircut so good, it'll make you weak.

Gave Chris no problems at all.

The Queen = Regina.

Who had a haircut that made him weak?

Regina Spektor - Samson

7. A big, depressed train from the U.S.

Big = grand.

If you're depressed, you're in a funk.

Grand Funk Railroad - We're An American Band

Score two for Mrs. Brian.

6. A moron in comfy shoes wishes his girlfriend was psychic.

Gordon is a moron, according to Jilted John.

Comfy shoes = Lightfoot.

Gordon Lightfoot - If You Could Read My Mind

Score three for Mrs. Brian.

5. All sad tales start with a big baby crying.

A big baby crying = The Mighty Wah!

A sad tale?

The Mighty Wah! - The Story of the Blues

A combined effort from Brian & Charity Chic.

4. Elvis in his underwear does what Gordon Sumner only pretended he could.

Probably the easiest one this week, if you knew the song. Brian snapped this one up straight away.

Do I need to explain that Jellyfish sting?

Jellyfish - The King Is Half Undressed

3. How far would Tom & Bob run to see this band, mate?

Apologies to Brian, I should have gone with an international clue about Burt Reynolds... I'll try to remember that in future. Charity Chic helped out here too.

Tommy Cannon & Bobby Ball.

Cannonball Run.

Mate = breed.

The Breeders - Cannonball

2. It's agony for a female Flintstone, listening to Andrew's Wax.

A female Flinstone might be called Freda.

Agony = Payne.

Andrew Gold's band (with Graham Gouldman) in the 80s was called Wax.

Freda Payne - Band of Gold

A last minute save from C: I thought I was going to win one!

I have to admit, I had to idea Freda Payne looked like that... or that she was such a martyr to her bad back.

1. Celebrating the fastest second place medal: he grows up to devour a plateful of Chrissie's finest.

If you won the fastest second place medal, you might get Quick-Silver... or Mercury.

Chrissie's finest = The Great Pretender, originally by The Platters (a plateful).

Well done to Alyson, even though she tried to talk herself out of it.


Freddie even did cover versions better than anybody else...

More next week. Probably.

After all, it is the 10th on Tuesday...

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